Parents are only human……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Recently my son looked at me and said: “mummy you do not cry because you are an adult”.

Children tend to view their parents as only their parents, not as individuals with feelings, wants, needs and desires. I too looked at my mother in the same way as a child.  I honestly believed my mother was indestructible, that she was able to overcome all things. Though she gave birth to me at the age of 20 I looked to her to have my needs met. It did not occur to me that she was overwhelmed at having to be head of the home and make key decisions alone. I thought my mother had the answer to everything. How wrong I was!

My mother was a young mother of two children trying to balance home life, work life, her emotions and needs. Behind my mother’s smile and laughter, her pain, fatigue and loneliness were hidden from us. Perhaps she wept at night because I really do not recall seeing her tears as a young child. Though we had financial struggles we were happy at home.  We ate well, had clothes on our back and had treats here and there.

As I moved into my teenage years, my eyes opened and I saw that my mother was indeed human. She hurt, felt tired, had weaknesses and did not value her worth half as much as she should have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The one of many great attributes my mother has is you know where you stand with her. She is direct which clearly rubbed off on me. Her yes means yes and her no means no. She was not the mother who smacked me then cuddled me a few minutes afterwards. She was not the mother who said no then changed her mind. She was consistent and put boundaries in place which in turn made me feel safe.

When I became an adult my mother revealed a number of things to me;

1. When she smacked us she so wanted to cuddle us afterwards but knew it would bring confusion and blur lines.

2. The hardest part of child rearing was making decisions alone; having no-one to share the challenges with. Knowing she had to live with the decisions she made which may not always have been the best.

3  When I had to walk my younger sister a mile to school from the age of 8, it deeply troubled her but she chose not to show me her anxiety and instead cried in private.

It was then that I saw my mother in a different light and realised she was not handed a book on how to raise children – nobody is.

Accepting our parents are human who make errors just as much as the next person, let us not have such high expectations of them. Let us choose not to hold them account to decisions they made in the past based on the knowledge they had at that time. The majority of the time our parents have our best interests at heart. Perhaps they do not show their love in a conventional way, perhaps they appear harsh, judgemental and controlling at times but when push comes to shove they would give their life for you.

How do/did you view your parents?
How has this impacted on your relationship with them?

When life takes a different turn…

 

 

 

 

 

The expectation of young adults is to leave secondary school with a handful of GCSE A to C grades, college with three to four A Levels and attend a recognised university. By the age of 21 you should be awarded a 1st or 2.1 in a BA or BSc Honours degree.

What about the young adults whose lives do not quite pan out like this? What if they do not make the grade required due to their mental health, emotional state, family pressures or for just not being highly academic?

The career plan I had for myself did not go according to what I had expected at all. A budding journalist (get me) who loved to write, I envisaged myself reporting at the scene of crimes, events and celebrations. I applied for a journalism course at Middlesex university back in the 1990’s. It was a beautiful campus with a structured three year degree course. I was promised entry into journalism via radio, newspaper or television. Long story short I required a distinction but received a merit and therefore was not accepted at the university. To my shame I was advised to go through the clearing system. I recall sitting around my mother’s dining table flipping through sheets of clearing papers to find a similar course. Nowadays young adults would simply search online. I found a media technology degree course which though proved beneficial, did not provide easy entry into journalism.

I cannot imagine the competition that exists today within the world of journalism. Imagine me competing with 20 and 30 something year olds, not to mention the paltry salary to start. A good plus to working in media is to have wealthy parents who can support you financially, AKA ‘the bank of mum and dad.’

I am enjoying working in my current role. One that I would never have considered had you asked me 20 years ago. The opportunities have been astounding.

Occasionally I feel a twinge of disappointment that I am not working in the field I studied for over three long years. Most of which were enjoyable as lets be honest university is never all work and no play!

Life has twists and turns, some arrive at their destination on time, others arrive late, others take a completely different route which can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. It is important to enjoy the journey as there is much to be learnt and experiences to be had which remain with you forever.