Confidence is not ‘in your face’ but subtle. Confidence is knowing who you are and having the ability to be up front or at the back. When you are self assured you do not regularly question or doubt yourself. You acknowledge you are not perfect and do not beat yourself up when you make mistakes (who doesn’t?)
There is a well known saying; “A person who lacks confidence walks into a room and wonders who will approach them to talk. Whereas a confident person walks into a room and wonders who THEY will choose to approach”. Same scenario but a completely different outlook.
Our confidence or lack of it is shown by the way we speak, how we relate to others and our body language. We give away much about ourselves often without even knowing. I am sure we have all seen characteristics in people and wondered what is truly going on behind the scenes. I learn more about myself daily and am surprised/disheartened on seeing the same issues resurfacing.
Our confidence can be enhanced or diminished when going through childhood and teenage years. Our experiences certainly help to shape the way in which we perceive ourselves. Someone lacking in confidence is likely to struggle in friendships, relationships and in social and professional situations. They may choose to withdraw and build up a wall in order to protect themselves.
As a teenager I seriously lacked in confidence and was also shy. I would walk slightly slouched with my head down to avoid eye contact with others. It took years (I mean years) of training myself to look people in the eye and to walk tall. My husband has been a huge encouragement over the years. He made me come out of my shell and to see myself in a new light. I am no longer that awkward looking teenager who struggled in social settings.
How to work towards improving your confidence:
1. Look at the root. Does your lack of confidence relate to hurtful words from family, peers or supposed friends? You need to know what the cause of your lack of confidence is.
2. Treat yourself – a manicure, pedicure, a good book, a soak in the bath with candles and soft music. The list can go on.
3. Can you do anything practical to improve in an area that impacts your confidence? For example cutting down on sugar/portion sizes if you would like to be slimmer. Doing online courses to enhance your IT skills, taking up a hobby to meet like-minded people.
4. Speak to a friend or counsellor. Being listened to can be hugely beneficial.
Are you a confident person? Was this nurtured over time?
What advice would you give to others?
organisedlady 
Nice post Phoenicia. I wasn’t confident as a young person and quite shy as a teen around girls too. I was determined to overcome various weaknesses and did so as a series of small victories, keeping a sense of humour in the more trying moments. Eventually it all paid off confidence wise. It’s probably better that way around, than being overconfident from the start. I figure you should never stop learning, but the more you learn and understand along the journey, the more confident you will naturally become and the more control or influence you can insert into various situations when the need arises.
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Thank you for sharing your experiences. You were determined to overcome your lack of confidence and it has paid off! I agree about our need to learn, particularly about ourselves and others.
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Phoenicia — I was totally lacking in self-confidence when I was a youngster because of my family situation. It took years to develop confidence in myself. I owe a lot to my friends and my husband, who all saw something worthwhile in me so that encouraged me to be more confident in who I am. I’m a happier person because of it.
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What a touching story Jeannette. Often it is the people around us who open our eyes to the fact that we are special and worth it.
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I still lack confidence, but I bluff [myself] the world fairly well. I’m of the fake it until you make it school of thought. I will say that because I am uncomfortable walking into a room where I don’t know anyone, the first thing I do is look for the person who appears more uncomfortable than I feel. I go and talk to them! Usually it works to make us both feel better.
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Thank you for sharing Rose Mary. The “fake it till you make it” method is certainly working for you. You appear so carefree and yet in tune with the world around you.
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As a child I was extremely shy and lacked confidence. But as years went by I grew a network of well meaning friends and found my voice.
Thankfully my confidence grew. But this can sometimes get lost in the demands of life.
Pilates, yoga, walking, photography and of course writing my thoughts in a journal also gives me that well deserved boost. I strongly recommend this.
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Thank you for sharing your experience. A good support network is crucial. I have been putting off starting a journal when I know it will bring great benefits.
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