Accept yourself just as you are

 

 

 

 

 

Self-acceptance does not come easy to all. Some struggle for years to accept themselves due to the negative words spoken over their lives, their experiences and their childhood. To accept yourself is to acknowledge that you are not perfect and never will be. It is acknowledging whilst you need to make particular changes in your life in order to advance and be a more rounded person, you can love yourself as you are right now.

The painful reality about self-acceptance is one can continue to set goals and expectations and once they are met you still feel no better than you did before. The goal posts move and you put greater pressure on yourself to tick the boxes or fulfil all you set out to do. It is an exhausting way to live, trying to outdo yourself in the hope you will believe you are somehow deserving of your life.

Self-rejection is damaging and will only go on to destroy a person.  A rejected person will believe they are not worth it and do not belong in particular settings. They are likely to turn down opportunities and lurk in the background believing ‘good things’ do not happen to people like them. They are likely to push others away, particularly those who love them.

Self-acceptance means you love and believe in yourself even when you make mistakes, fail at a task or activity or are having a bad day.  Self-acceptance means you do not base your worth and confidence on what you do but in who you are.  Self-acceptance means you easily accept love from others; friends, nuclear and extended families.

How can you learn to accept yourself?

1. Identify where your lack of acceptance derives from- only then can you begin to deal with it.

2. Identify if you need to forgive someone for their words or behaviour?

3. Identify if you need to forgive yourself for your own words or behaviour?

4. Write down five things you are good at, are recognised for within your social or work setting.

5. Treat yourself to something small daily or a few times a week. It can be running a bath with lots of salts and candles, reading a good book in a coffee shop or buying your favourite cake.

The journey to self-acceptance is a long one but choose to take a step forward today and break out of self-loathing and into self-loving. Though you may not know it now – you are worth it.

Have you struggled with self-acceptance? Did you find the root? What measures did you put in place to overcome it?

 

 

 

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How much does your temperament impact on the way you relate to others?

 

 

 

 

 

On http://www.dictionary.com, temperament is described as ‘ the combination of mental, physical and emotional traits of a person, natural predisposition’.

Our temperament heavily impacts on the way we react and relate to others. Unlike personality we are born with a particular temperament, it is ingrained in us. For example we each gravitate towards being an introvert or extrovert and it is likely we had this trait from a young age.  If you quietly observe a group of young children, you should be able to identify their various temperaments. It cannot be hidden and seeps out of us.

Our temperament dictates the dynamics of our relationships with nuclear and extended family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances and complete strangers.

Whilst we cannot change our temperament we can become self-aware and endeavour to understand ourselves. The more we understand what we do and why we do it, the more we can find ‘our place’.

I believe the struggle and challenge many of us face is we lack understanding of themselves. This could be due to ignorance or naivety. It can prove difficult to accept and acknowledge our traits particularly when they present as negative. The majority of us want to be at our best and be perceived as so, therefore a word of advice or constructive criticism does not particularly go down well with our egos.

As a child I was quiet, inquisitive and rather cheeky.  I had a lot of energy but was often found in books. Though I was easily excited there was definitely a calmness.  As a teenager I was an extreme introvert, only having one or two friends at any one time. I steered clear of crowds/groups and much preferred the dynamics of one to one conversations.  I disliked having this trait and questioned why I was not more outgoing and fun.  I definitely felt invisible and overlooked throughout my teenage years and I despised my trait as oppose to embracing it.

25 years later, I understand myself far more and I embrace who I am.  At my place of work, I like to spend lunchtimes alone to reflect and enjoy just being with me – no obligation to speak or listen. It probably presents as strange but it is freeing to be who you are whether it fits well with others or not. Taking time out means when I am around others I am more tolerant and present.

To end I recall Joyce Meyer, the evangelist describing a situation where her children complained about her spending time in the bathroom.  She mentions in a number of her books that she would often shut herself in the bathroom to pray, read and think. She responded back “You should be thankful I shut myself away as I am a better mother for it!”

How would you describe your temperament?
At what point did you embrace this?

Embracing change

 

 

 

 

 

Change is inevitable yet for some reason we do not always welcome it.  Change is necessary for growth and progress. Change can bring us to a better place and it can bring us to a place of stress and strain.  Change will bring us into unfamiliar territory which in itself is worrying.  Often we fear what we do not know and may find ourselves opting to remain where we are because it is comfortable.  The thought of change is often far worse in our minds than change itself. Our imagination can run wild as we overthink and conjour up ideas on how life will be before we have even taken a step.

When I look back on my life I can recall various circumstances where I feared change.  The unknown seemed daunting and I imagined what the change would be like as oppose to stepping out and seeing in reality.  On occasions change did not benefit me but it was still a process I had to go through. On other occasions change did benefit me although it may not have initially presented itself as a positive.

Insecurities can hinder our decision to take action which will lead to change. We may worry a project, business, new job may not pan out as we had hoped and decide not to go for it.

Whether we embrace change or not, it will happen in our lives and we must be resilient.  We must expect that change will enhance our life, our career, our relationships. When disappointment comes our way, we should acknowledge our pain and try to move on. We must avoid the temptation of hanging onto past hurts and failures.  Each time change enters our lives it brings new opportunities.

I have listed three quotes on change;

“Everyone thinks of changing the world but no-one thinks of changing themselves” Lee Tosley

“The only way we can live is if we grow.   The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” C. Joybell

“If you change your thoughts, you can change the world” Norman Vincent Peale

Can you think of a circumstance when you embraced changed and when you were reluctant to? What was the outcome?