People are not interested in how much you know until they know how much you care





I have heard this saying many a time and it continues to resonate with me. You first need to show an interest in someone before they take an interest in what you have to share. With the fast paced world we live in today, we appear to have such little time. People tend to race to get to the point and miss ‘it’ completely. I know because I have been a culprit.

Information is so widely available today; on the internet, books, from person to person, via one to one conversation or seminars/teachimgs/workshops. However, deep down people still desire the personal touch; the one to one deep conversations on subjects that matter to them.  Nobody wants to be lectured or over informed, they have a multitude of people and places to go to for that. As humans no matter what we portray on the outer, we desire to be listened to, to be accepted and loved.  When this need is not met we feel overlooked, shunned and out of place.

It helps to bring our personal experiences to the table, to remind others we too have had and still have challenges. It helps others to relate to us and not develop a “them and us” mentality. It helps to bridge the gap between their struggles and our struggles which is often not apparant. Whilst some carry their  hearts on their sleeves, others have mastered hiding their pain and their challenges.

Ways in which we can show we care:

1. Actively listening
2. Refrain from over speaking unless you are clear it is welcomed
3. Refrain from trying to find a solution. At times there is no solution and over analysing will only will only serve to frustrate you and the other person.
4. Providing practical support if required
5. ‘Checking in’ with the person frequently if they are open to this

How do you show others you care?
How do you stay in tune with how others are feeling?

6 thoughts on “People are not interested in how much you know until they know how much you care”

  1. Excellent post, Phoenicia. I am guilty of item 3: “Refrain from trying to find a solution.” I am always interested in hearing what others have to say, so it is just in my nature to offer my opinion/solution to a perceived problem. but I have learned that certain people do not like to hear other people’s solutions. they would rather complain and stay in the negative zone.


  2. Well said. I stopped meeting one on one with a particular “friend” after spending 45 minutes with her where she talked non-stop about her life and her successes and never asked anything about me. The next day she sent an email telling me how nice it was to catch up. I howled. Lesson learned, though, make sure I spend my precious time with people who converse–not talk.


    1. It is easy to overspeak especially when excited and passionate about a subject matter. I consciously stop to allow the other person to speak. I wonder if such people realise they are behaving in this way. Perhaps the people around them have grown used to not getting a word in edgeways.


  3. I agree with your five points—especially #3, since that is the most abused method of attempting to help. Some find it easy to refrain from giving advice, but some (usually men), just can’t help themselves! Many times, as you say, there is no solution.


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