Why do ‘we’ as in people in general, settle? Comfort, fear of the unknown, self-doubt, lack of confidence, laziness? I am sure there are many more reasons which I will not list today.
Settling means we are aiming too low, at the point at which we can do it with our eyes closed. Settling means we are aiming for less than we deserve. As the saying goes if you expect less you will receive less. Why should a person have less than they desire? If it were your friend or family member I guarantee you would encourage them to punch above their weight and not below it. Yet how often do we go for less and talk ourselves out of what we really do want.
We all have the ability to learn, granted some faster than others. Whilst one person will apply for a job knowing they do not meet all the criteria, another will only apply for jobs in which they meet every single one. Person A probably has the intention of learning the skills required in advance and on the job. Person B is not confident enough to put themselves in a position where they have to learn new skills.
What if they are too slow?
What if their colleagues discover they are less informed than they showed at interview and on the application?
What if they fail?
What they should be asking is;
What if I soar?
In relationships including platonic friendships, one can choose to settle for less by not addressing issues when they arise and for tolerating unreasonable behaviour. I have been in this position and over time my eyes opened to the fact that I deserve to be in the company of those who add to my life and have my best interests at heart. In turn, I am the same with others. Whether a friend or family member, as an adult you have the right to decide who you wish to be in your life. When one believes their feelings, opinions and general well-being does not matter they are likely to undervalue themselves. This then manifests itself in the dynamics of their relationships – usually “all give” and “no take”.
Tips to stop settling;
1. Be honest with what you desire – there is no need to discuss with anyone just write it down
2. Be willing to learn whether on the job or self-taught (so many free online courses)
3. Aim higher – if you are sitting an exam or test aim for the maximum score
4. Set yourself goals and identify the time frame in which you will meet them.
So whether you want to finally pass your driving test, learn to speak in Italian or move up to a more senior role take an action today which will bring you closer to achieving this.
Can you think back to a period in your life when you settled?
What encouraged you to come out of your comfort zone?
What would you advise someone who has a tendency to settle with less?