Are you confident?

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Peter T Mcyintre quoted:
“If you really put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.”

You must value and accept yourself before others will. More often than not, people will treat you how you allow them to. Some if that way inclined will test the waters identifying just how far they can push you. Your confidence or lack of it in some cases will show no matter how you attempt to hide it.

Whilst I am no child psychologist, I truly believe all children have an element of confidence, some presenting as more shy than others. When the child comes up against any threat, fear or intimidation, their confidence is rattled and begins to disappear. I can guarantee that any adult with an insecurity can recall circumstances in which their beauty, skills, expertise or other was questioned by another.

Can one develop their confidence over time?
If one does not have confidence in their ability to carry out a task using unfamiliar technology, it is their responsibility to request appropriate training and practice in their spare time. There is no reason why this skill cannot be developed.

On a more personal level, if one is not confident in their appearance or personality can they work towards liking themselves?
We can endeavour to change our way of thinking, our dress size, our attitude but besides all of this, we need to love ourselves as we are right now. We need to tell ourselves “I am enough.”

For years I believed I was not enough no matter what I achieved. I set high standards and was critical when I did not hit them. I lived a life of proving myself to myself which is strange when written in black and white. I did not like me at all – I pretended to of course – I was probably convincing too.

I am glad I am no longer in that place. I still have my moments (ask my husband) but am far more grounded in who I am and what I stand for. I can stand alone if this is required of me.

How confident are you?
Has this increased/decreased over the years.
Do you link who you are to what you do?

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21 thoughts on “Are you confident?”

  1. Great topic Phoenicia! I have mixed feelings about the concept of confidence for the very reasons you pointed out. When one’s confidence has been challenged, unless they are self-aware enough to recognize and do something about it, that can lead to slowly further eroding their confidence over time.

    Overall I’m a pretty confident person, but more important than that (to me) I have a willing heart. I’m willing to risk and try something new even when I’m not confident, and sometimes that makes all the difference when it comes to achieving our goals. Thanks for the inspiration!

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    1. Doing it scared does get easier over time. I am not the most confident of persons but people always get the impression I am. I am willing to step out and am quite clear about what I want in life so perhaps this is why.

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  2. Confidence thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them, it cannot live.
    What say?

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  3. Confidence is something I’m always working towards whether it’s socially or professionally. I agree that the process starts with knowing yourself and how you want to project yourself into the world. If thinking in reverse, there’ll be a constant need for validation from others, fueling more insecurity. Thanks for sharing Phoenicia.

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    1. You are welcome Tatia. I am pleased my post encouraged you. Confidence is a sensitive subject. Admitting you are not as confident as people assume, means being a little vulnerable.

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  4. I used to have problems with being shy and I confident. The older I get, the more I improve and it fades away. I’m still an introvert, but now it’s more of a choice and not because of how I feel about myself.

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    1. Danielle – it is a great feeling when you arrive at a place when you actually like yourself. I too am an introvert and as a teen I attempted to become outgoing like my popular, louder friends. It lasted all of a week – it was so not me. One must be true to themselves.

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  5. I am confident now in many areas, but not all. When I became a teacher many years ago, I had to pretend to be confident as I led my classes. Eventually, that pretending turned into reality. Now I can enter virtually any public speaking situation where I have to stand in front of a group and can project confidence and self-assurance that I actually believe!

    But in other areas, such as parties where I don’t know anyone and meet-and-greet situations, I am tongue-tied and silent. Part of the problem is my name, which new people always believe they must comment upon, which angers me instantly. I have been tempted to change my name legally to something more ordinary so that every time I introduce myself, people would not bug the heck out of me by asking about it or making some juvenile comment.

    And yes, I have always linked who I am to what I do/did. I describe myself as a retired professor, and/or as a journalist. My vocations are part of my identity.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your experience Dr Rin. If you practice appearing confident, after a while it becomes like a second nature.

      I find it in poor taste that people comment on your name. Yes, it is different but not strangely so. I have never personally met a woman with the same name as me and people have told me how they think my name should be spelt- bizarre!

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  6. “…proving myself to myself…” I so understand what you are saying there, Phoenicia. I can name any number of circumstances where I’ve done that very thing. As an aunt, I remember seeing the confidence and the faltering in my niece and nephew when they were little. It’s a balance to help instill confidence in kids without turning them into egomaniacs!

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    1. It is a balancing act Rosemary. Children need confidence instilled in them as they will face opposition at school/outside clubs. However they should not be made to believe they are better than their peers but certainly equals.

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  7. I become more and more confident the older I get. But I definitely still have a ways to go. I was deeply insecure as a child after an illness left me physically impaired and unable to do things other kids could do. I grew up feeling different and incapable Even though I’ve gotten past those physical obstacles, the feelings of insecurity have taken time to heal.

    I always said I can’t wait to be a little old lady. As women, we are socialized to be soft spoken, polite and that can also mean self-doubting. I’ve noticed that once women get old, most of them become bold and act and say with whatever is on their mind. As if a lifetime of being demure finally pushed them to the limit and they’re like – screw it! I’m gonna be myself. I’m looking forward to it!

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    1. Thank you for sharing your personal experience Erica. We can carry insecurities from childhood right through to adulthood. If they are not dealt with, they can hinder what we say and what we do.

      I agree that mature women appear old. Perhaps they care less about what others think and are confident to say no.

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    1. Thank you for commenting on my blog Mina. My two children have far more confidence than I did which is not a coincidence as I specifically prayed for this whilst pregnant with them.

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