Are you confident in saying no?
I am assertive in saying no when I can give a valid reason why. In a situation where I am invited to an occasion or asked for a favour and have nothing preventing me from doing so, I struggle. I tend to feel the need to justify myself and end up over explaining as a result. No doubt, this annoys the other person as much as it does me!
I am far more assertive at work than when at home. I put on my professional hat and focus on getting the job done. I am clear about what I need and what I am willing and able to give.
Recently, I was asked for an ongoing favour from an old friend. I took a few days to ponder on it. Deep down I knew it was neither practical or sustainable – that if I had agreed; it would have created problems and could possibly impact on the relationship I had with the person. I said no, giving a clear reason. I felt uneasy and occasionally wondered how the person would now view me but I knew it was the right decision.
I have reflected on why I feel uncomfortable in saying no. Reasons include;
1. As a Christian I believe I am called to go over and above and not be led by my emotions and own selfish needs.
2. Wanting to please others and meet their need, often doing so to my own detriment. This derives from low self esteem which I am working on. It has been a long but worthwhile journey.
I like to walk with integrity and believe you should carry out what you have committed to unless of course an emergency occurs which prevents one from doing so. It is this same principle which holds me to my word. If I have said yes, then I will do my upmost to meet this.
Having a good heart is of equal importance. It is pointless and unfruitful being of service to another if we do not have a genuine willingness and correct attitude. Feelings of resentment will follow.
It is therefore important that you do not commit yourself flippantly and go back on your word. It is always best to say no rather than “going with the moment”. Giving thought rather than rushing in helps!
Are you confident to say no?
Does it depend on who is doing the asking?