The late Margaret Thatcher once quoted the following;
“If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.”
She had a point. Women are doers. We just get on with it, some of us may complain, but we do what is required at a given time. Obviously I cannot speak for every woman but the majority of us will not hesitate to accommodate the needs of our immediate families, extended families, friends and so on. It is in our nature to go above and beyond the call of duty. It is the way we are made – born nurturers.
I often think about the many roles that women carry; wife/partner, mother/guardian, employee/business owner, cook, cleaner, counsellor, nurse, tutor, driver.
*This list is by no means exhaustive!
I must stress that my husband is very hands on. He takes his role as a father seriously, he enjoys spending time with our children and does his fair share of housework. It is possible that I take on too much to begin with. My husband jokes that I am like a robot and he would like to wind me in just a little!
The truth is I need to learn to relax at various intervals during the day and not just in the late evening when the children are asleep and my husband is tapping away at his laptop. Maybe then I would not feel so overwhelmed by my responsibilities.
I am always inspired and challenged when I read about the virtuous woman in Proverbs chapter 31 verse 10-31. She truly embraces her role as a woman. I am not quite there yet and have to remind myself to enjoy the journey which can be likened to riding on a roller coaster – fun but there are times you want to ‘get off’.
It is a privilege to be a woman and I often take this for granted. I had the joy of carrying and nursing two children, people entrust me with matters close to their heart and I put the seal on making our house a home.
Do you embrace your role?
Perhaps you do not like being defined by a role as such?
organisedlady 
I enjoyed reading your post Phoenicia.
You got me thinking hmmmmm
For me, its about finding a balance. We (men and women) have something to offer the society.
LikeLike
Safari – thanks for your encouragement.
LikeLike
Very interesting question you pose Phoenicia. I feel that women today either faced with exceedingly high or low expectations. It’s important that society adjusts the mentality of fulfilling gender roles towards contributing as humans and global citizens.
LikeLike
Tatia – it is about finding a balance. Men and women have something to offer our society. This may sometimes overlap.
LikeLike
I enjoyed reading this post, and it reminded me of my many years as a “church lady”, helping out with congregate meals, singing in the choir, helping decorate the church for holidays, bringing the kids to Sunday school, working on fundraisers, and so on. And who were the 80% of other workers? Women, of course. Not that the men didn’t help, but they were more likely to stand in groups drinking coffee and talking while the women set the table, washed dishes, swept and vacuumed.
It was similar when I taught college. The women faculty did most of the organizing, setting up, presenting information, and following up at group events for faculty and staff.
I’m not sure it’s inborn; I think it’s taught to us when we’re very young. I know my mother would take me along with her when she attended club meetings and events, and I remember setting up folding chairs and sweeping the floor after meetings when I was as young as 8.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be known as a doer. I do appreciate it when men help out and don’t act like they expect women to do all the work at an event!
Rin
LikeLike
I am pleased you enjoyed my post Dr Rin.
The women in my church rally together for celebrations and events. It builds on our relationships and creates that family environment.
It is funny that when men do work in the home or care for their children they are seen as helping out as oppose to doing their fair share!
LikeLike
Hi Phoenicia,
Since I’m a woman I like to think that we are all just doers but I know some that are the opposite. I know some men who are as well so I think it depends on the individual. Some of your commenters have said the same thing.
Men and women are just wired differently and probably for a reason. I think though that everyone can change if that’s their choice but I definitely embrace my role as a woman. I may not have the family behind me with the husband and children but I definitely am a caregiver and the one in charge of caring for my Mom. I embrace that joyfully too.
~Adrienne
LikeLike
Yes, some commenters have said the same as you.
Your last paragraph touched me.
LikeLike
I’m not sure i like the idea of being separated by gender. I know I am a doer so that part is right but whether that is because I’m a woman is not so clear. My dad was a doer and several of my sons are, so that kind of kills the gender specific.Interesting topic though.
LikeLike
Lenie – thanks for your ‘take’ on this. Your taught your son’s well – well you and your husband!
LikeLike
Interesting perspective. I believe that roles can change up depending on the person.
LikeLike
Thank Jason.
LikeLike
I agree with Ken on this one.There pressures and expectations for both males and females.Also, studies shows there are innate differences as well, our brains our wired for certain tendencies. Bottom line: we all have our cross to bear.
LikeLike
Pamela – agreed that men and women are pulled to different things. Scientists can and have proved this.
LikeLike
I’m definitely a doer, but don’t align myself with that being a gender specific quality per se. Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids and no longer teacher, even though I have been told by many I am ultimate caretaker.
LikeLike
Ultimate caretaker – sounds like a big responsibility to live up to.
LikeLike
Ah, so true. Without taking anything away from the men who wear all their different roles, there is something about us darned women! We take on a lot–whether we are expected to or not–and thwart our own plans all too often. We gotta’ rebel against ourselves! 🙂
I’m current re-reading Sarah Ban Breathnach’s “Simple Abundance” book in an effort to get my roles narrowed down to the truly important ones.
LikeLike
Rose Mary – we are more self sacrificing than men and sometimes place unecessary pressure on ourselves.
I do like the fact that some roles revolvè whilst others remain with you for life.
LikeLike
My husband and I try to split chores up evenly. I must admit that I do more of them though and have to pester him to do his. He does love spending time with the kids though.
LikeLike
Jobs by mom – this is usually the case in most households. I am sure there are jobs that your husband just gets on with as you have no desire to tackle them. It is all about balance and what works for each couple.
LikeLike
I’ve had so many roles over the years. Wife, mom, then single mom and breadwinner, then business owner then wife again then business owner again. I’ve enjoyed them all to various degrees.
LikeLike
Beth – the roles do change during the course of time. Nothing stays the same for very long which is why I try to embrace each stage.
LikeLike
You got me thinking on this one Phoenicia. I must admit I’ve always leaned toward thinking of myself as a human being rather than from a gender perspective and even my writing leans toward being gender neutral. Not sure where that came from because I definitely appreciate being a woman, but I’ve always been uncomfortable with any us vs. them dialogue.
LikeLike
Pleased I gave you food for thought Heraldmarty. It is interesting how we all think so differently.
LikeLike
Having spent my entire career in a male dominated industry, I guess my take may be different than one might assume. I secretly wish for a gender neutral world:) I do what I do, feel what I feel as a person, aware that others may vary, but I try so hard not to think that they do because of gender. It’s unrealistic, I know. There is science to prove it, but still. I think we could trim some of the bias out there if we just had expectations of people regardless of gender.
LikeLike
Jacquie – there is science to prove the role of a man and woman differ for good reason. However, I do not believe we are tied to these roles.
Thanks for your comment
LikeLike
Abolutely, am the only Western woman ever who has held a senior management position in a 100% Saudi owned company in Riyadh.
LikeLike
Good on you Catarina! I am sure you have a wealth of knowledge and experience under your belt.
LikeLike
Thanks for sharing Phoenicia! I totally agree. Women are doers. It’s makes me tired when I think too much about a project that needs to be done. For the more complicated projects, I do want to think longer about them. I want to just do it where as my husband has to think it through every step and every possible problem that may happen in the process. It’s exhausting. But I still love him.
LikeLike
Sabrina – sounds like you and your husband compliment one another. Life would be boring if you were both alike!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I may be one of the persons who doesn’t like to be defined by a role as such. You’ve mentioned the many roles a woman may play and I don’t think women as a group can or should be defined by a specific “role”., although society at different times and places has tried to do that. We all have unique gifts and therefore unique roles to play in the world. Although we may not all be born nurturers, I believe we all (men and women) have responsibility to take care of each other in some way or other. I’m glad you are able to embrace your role in the world and hope others embrace the roles their gifts put them in.
LikeLike
Donna – thank you for your take on this. Please note that I was in no way excusing men from their responsibility as fathers/husbands/partners.
I agree that we all have giftings that should be enhanced.
LikeLike
Gender roles are a two way street. You may embrace what you like about it but they can also be confining,both for women and for men.
LikeLike
As you say Ken, roles van be confining – each person needs to find their own balance.
LikeLike
I think I’m a workaholic, but I’ve never thought about whether that has anything to do with me being a woman. Needless to say, I do work very hard and, like you, I only stop to take a moment to just breathe at the end of the day.
LikeLike
Erica – let’s agree to slow down just a little bit!
LikeLike
I really enjoyed this post! Gave me food for thought. I strive to be the Proverbs 31 woman. Thanks you also for the comment on my blog. I seen you tried to inbox me, but couldn’t get through. Please try again as I just tested my email with another email account of mine. I will also see if there is a problem with Word Press.
LikeLike
Tammee – glad you enjoyed reading my blog. I will try again. There was definitely an issue with WordPress as a few fellow bloggers were unable to leave comments on my blog.
LikeLike