With Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, there is more pressure than ever to look good. Most buy into this need for perfection while a selective few check out. A good self image is important but has vanity sneaked in through the back door?
How you see yourself matters far more than how others see you. You are stuck with yourself for however long you are on this earth – now would be a good time to appreciate your good and not so good points.
If you know who you are, who you truly are (give or take the make up) then it will be difficult for someone or life’s circumstances to change your perception. Compliments and flattery come and go but at the end of the day you are left with just you.
A good self image must go deeper than how one looks on the outside. Yes, you should present well at all times as it shows that you respect yourself but your confidence cannot merely rely on what others say about you.
I particularly like this saying:
” If you live by people’s acceptance, you will die by their rejection.”
Lecrae, Christian Hip Hop artist.
If you model yourself on how others see you, you are setting yourself up for a fall or on the road to becoming conceited. You cannot please everyone and you should not be aiming to. Learn to like yourself just as you are. You may want to work on particular areas, for example experimenting with make up, changing your diet, exercising but ultimately you should love you even whilst being a work in progress.
Having a good self image ultimately requires positive thinking and speaking positive words. You need to work on this daily in order to overcome your battle. It can be hard going especially if you have spent years being negative – believe me, I should know! I began by writing positive affirmations about myself and spoke them aloud each day. I spoke them into being. I printed a copy to hang on the inside of my wardrobe. I saw this every time I opened the wardrobe – a great reminder which left me beaming!
Has the world gone ‘vanity’ mad?
How much do you rely on the compliments of others?
organisedlady 
I think a lot of people care what others say way too much. I’m glad I’m not one of them. I could care less. As long as I’m happy I’m good.
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Jason – sounds like you are very much your own person.
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Well thank heavens you can only see what’s on the outside 🙂
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Thanks for your comment Rosewarne!
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I like that quote. This whole idea of positive self image is a slippery slope. It’s fact of life that you are judged by appearance. I remember a young client who just couldn’t understand why she was unable to find a job. I asked her if she thought her the nose, tongue and eye might be a “deal breaker’ for an employer. She said, ” this is the real me”!I said. “Maybe but now this is the real you with NO job”. It’s all about balance. Don’t allowi anything external to define who you are, but accepting and learning how to incorporate life’s little rules.
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Pamela – we cannot deny that we are judged on our appearance. It is therefore important that we dress appropriately for our environment. We can do this without ‘losing’ ourselves.
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I think that the secret is a good self image that’s made up of more than just looks. Women especially are vulnerable to feeling as though their value is tied up in how attractive they are, but we are all valuable for being funny, kind or clever too – and that’s worth a lot more than what’s in the mirror.
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Claire – us women have so much to offer but often fail to recognise this.
Thanks for your comment.
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This post–nicely written–ties is so well with Jacqueline Gum’s and Marquita Herald’s…the three of you are in perfect sync this week.
I get depressed/angry/not sure of the right word just looking at Victoria Secret commercials (posted about that once)–they, in a nutshell, show everything that is wrong with our non-achievable beauty goals.
The other day I said to a friend that it’s what is on the inside that makes someone more and more attractive to you just like the opposite–someone may first strike you as pretty or handsome, but as you get to know them, they are ugly on the inside and the outside no longer has any allure for you.
Well said, Phoenicia!
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Thanks for the encouragement Rose Mary. Pleased that you are even comparing my blog to the likes of Jacqueline and Marquita!
We did not discuss our blog Ideas beforehand – I promise!
Beauty is only skin deep. Good looks can only carry you for a period of time.
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what a quote . . . Love it!
” If you live by people’s acceptance, you will die by their rejection.”
Lecrae, Christian Hip Hop artist.
Very inspiring post Phoenicia, the world has gone vanity mad. Its all about how you look on the outside which is so wrong. To me, its all about how you feel in the inside. If you feel good inside, you will be fine. And also self confidence is key.
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Glad you like my blog post Safari!
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I think that our vanity-mad society is really just trying to figure this concept out. I love this quote: “Compliments and flattery come and go but at the end of the day you are left with just you.” Scary and comforting, all at the same time!
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Meredith – we can if not careful, become caught up with who or what others expect us to be.
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Hi Phoenicia. Great post! As we get older, I think we have to work harder to keep our physical image up so that we can keep our mental image of ourselves up as well. I’ve noticed that those who let their physical image slide begin to slouch and really look like they don’t care. If you spend a little effort looking good, it is very true that you will FEEL good.
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It almost impossible to feel good if we do not look our best or at least presentable.
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I will never get the whole ‘selfie’ thing! I like to look as good as I can because it makes me feel good, but I’ve never been one to linger in front of a mirror or take photos of myself to share the way so many people do these days. Oh my, I sound like my grumpy grandmother!
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I take ‘selfies’ to showcase make up for my Younique business. At first I felt terribly awkward and “look at me!” Then I realised who better to show off the make up than myself? I keep it to once a week though lol!
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I’ve never had a good self image. I usually think I look bad and think others think that too. I’m so not a picture person. I’m totally jealous of those that just look amazing jumping out of bed meanwhile I’m all scary.
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Sorry to hear that, Home jobs by mom. Despite what you may feel, most women need a ‘little help’ to achieve even the naturalist of looks.
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I totally agree with your sentiments. But I think it is unfortunately common that our self image is directed by our perception of what other people think of us. Even though I don’t want to, I know there are times when I think that way.
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Thanks for your honesty Ken. I too believe that we all conform to a certain extent.
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A good self image requires being comfortable with yourself, not vanity. At least that’s what I think!
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Beth – women in general need to be comfortable with who they are. A life of comparison and discontentment is not healthy.
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Of all my insecurities, I seem to have a decent self-image because I try to make peace with my insides more than my outsides. I don’t mind getting compliments, but don’t live for them by any means. I do try to remember to compliment people more often since it’s often nice to get an unexpected on.
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I love to compliment women. It makes them feel good about themselves and pleased that someone noticed their new haircut/colour, shoes, that they have lost weight.
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Fashion magazines catering to girls as young as 11 and 12 depict images of unattainable beauty, and many girls grow up feeling unlovable because they don’t fit that image. It is up to us women to redefine “real beauty” and instill that in the next generation before they get old enough to have their standards shaped by the media. There is so much more value to a person than what size clothing they wear or how arched their eyebrows are.
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Young teenage girls yearn to be accepted but at what cost? As you say society defines beauty and many young girls and even women are desperate to fit into it.
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Most of us are actually vain to some degree. The difference is that those of us that have high self esteem can handle it:-)
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There is a lot of truth in that Catarina.
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Hi Phoenicia, I like “learn to like yourself just as you are”. That one is so important and something others can’t give you. It comes from within..
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Lenie- it certainly does come from within.
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Great quote! I totally agree. Written and recited positive thoughts will help you feel better about yourself and in turn, you do not need to look outside for encouragement. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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You are welcome Sabrina.
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“How you see yourself matters far more than how others see you.” I couldn’t agree more, Phoenicia! Thank you
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Thanks for your comment.
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YES…I think we live in a vanity driven world, and no I do not think that is new! I love the quote ” If you live by people’s acceptance, you will die by their rejection.” “nuf said:)
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I first read this quote several months ago and instantly took a liking to it.
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I think having a good self-image is based more about how we feel on the inside than what we look like on the outside. It is nice to get a compliment now and again, but we certainly can’t let those comments or lack thereof define us. I think the phrase gone “vanity mad” sums it up nicely.
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Thanks for your comment Donna. It always starts from within.
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Inspiring quotation Phoenicia, to go with the same kind of blog post. When it comes to self-image I often wonder how many people just might be fooling themselves. You nailed it here: “your confidence cannot merely rely on what others say about you.” It must come from your inner self.
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Thanks for your encouragement Pat. This is a topic that touches the nerves of many women.
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